The Gottman Method

March 27, 2025

Written by: Rachel Jenkins, LCSW

The Gottman Method is a research-backed approach focused on improving communication, managing conflict within relationships, and building lasting connection and intimacy. Developed by Drs. John and Julie Gottman, this method is based on 40+ years of study and practical application, making it one of the most trusted approaches in couples therapy today.

History of The Gottman Method

The Gottman Method was developed by psychologist Dr. John Gottman and his wife, fellow psychologist, Dr. Julie Schwartz Gottman.

Dr. John Gottman initially spent decades observing and studying couples' in his “love lab”, learning how to identify behaviors that could predict either a relationships success or its potential breakdown.

Together, Drs. John Gottman and Julie Gottman began developing the Sound Relationship House (SRH) theory and interventions based on John’s research throughout the years.

Together in 1996 they co-founded The Gottman Institute with the commitment to provide ongoing research that increases the understanding of relationships, and continues to develop interventions to help couples create healthy and lasting relationships.

This model emphasizes kindness, respect, and effective communication while providing tools to strengthen their bond through friendship as a foundation.

Why is the Gottman Method Helpful?

At the heart of the Gottman Method is a set of principles designed to build trust and resolve conflict in a way that strengthens the relationship rather than erodes it. Unlike some therapies that focus on addressing symptoms or surface issues, the Gottman Method digs deeper to understand underlying issues and creates new, positive patterns for couples to practice.

This approach is effective for various reasons:

• It’s backed by research. The method draws on decades of data on what truly works in relationships.

• It’s practical. Couples leave each session with specific exercises and strategies to apply in their daily lives.

• It focuses on building positives. By emphasizing the importance of friendship, admiration, and affection, the Gottman Method strengthens the foundation of a relationship.

Key Techniques of the Gottman Method

The Gottman Method offers a range of techniques to help couples improve their communication and connection. Here are a few of the core practices:

• Building the Sound Relationship House: This concept involves constructing a “house” built on trust and commitment. The foundation is friendship, with layers of positive interactions, conflict management, and shared meaning.

• Creating Love Maps: Partners are encouraged to get to know each other deeply, creating an “emotional map” of each other’s inner worlds. This exercise involves learning each other’s likes, dislikes, dreams, fears, and stresses, fostering understanding and closeness.

• Turning Toward Each Other: Couples learn the importance of small, everyday interactions. When one partner “reaches out” (such as sharing a funny story or asking for advice), the other partner is encouraged to respond with interest and positivity. This technique builds trust over time.

• Managing Conflict Respectfully: The Gottman Method doesn’t aim to eliminate conflict but to teach couples how to manage it. Techniques like the “softened startup,” taking breaks, and avoiding the “Four Horsemen” (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling) help couples address issues constructively.

Conclusion

The Gottman Method offers couples a powerful way to nurture and deepen their relationship. By building emotional intimacy, practicing open communication, and learning healthy conflict management, couples can experience a renewed sense of connection.

If you think the Gottman Method could be the right approach for you and your partner make an appointment with one of our therapists in Pittsburgh, PA by emailing info@elementspgh.com or calling 412-336-8832.

The information contained in this blog does not replace professional treatment or diagnosis and is for educational purposes only.

I have complted Levels 1 and 2 Training in Gottman Method Couples Therapy, and I use Gottman Method Couples Therapy in my work.